I have been the WORST blogger in the world. I am so sporadic and it's time to actually be a successful blogger. So since I am moving to a new state - Tennessee- come Thursday, I felt it would only be approriate to start a new blog. So, come check out and follow http://tnadventure.blogspot.com/ . I will be blogging about all of the crazy new things that Nashville has to offer !
Thanks!
Monday, July 25, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
life is not about you
tonight i was humbled.
each and every day there is someone or something that irritates me... (not good). i tend to get to upset about things that are not really that important. An example is someone making a "joke" but i take it the wrong way, someone cutting me off while driving, my next door neighbor's dog barking at 2am on a Monday night.
Today someone just had such a poor tone of voice with something that isn't even argumentative. It made me feel disrespected and not want to speak anymore with this person because i fear their reaction. While I was driving to meet up with the small group I co-lead, I prayed that I would be given the strength to realize that "It is not about me, it's about God's glory". I have to stop thinking that every person is the nicest and most respectable person. I must realize that people are self-absorbed and ridiculous and instead of investing my time in getting upset I MUST PRAY for them and for the strength to see past that and still love on them like Jesus Christ loves on me.
This is an important change in my life, for sure.
each and every day there is someone or something that irritates me... (not good). i tend to get to upset about things that are not really that important. An example is someone making a "joke" but i take it the wrong way, someone cutting me off while driving, my next door neighbor's dog barking at 2am on a Monday night.
Today someone just had such a poor tone of voice with something that isn't even argumentative. It made me feel disrespected and not want to speak anymore with this person because i fear their reaction. While I was driving to meet up with the small group I co-lead, I prayed that I would be given the strength to realize that "It is not about me, it's about God's glory". I have to stop thinking that every person is the nicest and most respectable person. I must realize that people are self-absorbed and ridiculous and instead of investing my time in getting upset I MUST PRAY for them and for the strength to see past that and still love on them like Jesus Christ loves on me.
This is an important change in my life, for sure.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
you've got the love
so i've had a difficult time lately finding people that share similar interests with me. when i was in undergrad it was easy to find friends that have things in common with me: drinking and fsu sports. Now that I've grown up just a tad, those previous interests don't excite me anymore. Of course, fsu sports are still an important part and drinking never hurts .... but im an indie person at heart and I just haven't found any one in Tally that actually wants to do things I want to do. I know where to go, but going by myself doesn't seem too appealing.
Today there were so many things I wanted to do, but I ended up having no one to do those things with. So I just settle for the other things, like FSU Sports and drinking.
This post isn't to say I don't have friends, because I do .... its just I am tired of doing the same mundane things on a weekly basis. I feel stagnant and I know there are so many things in this world to experience and I am not doing just that.
I was thinking about going to Bonnaro this summer and it seemed like people were all in to go (friends from back home) and today, the day to buy the tickets, they bailed. So yeah. .... hopefully those friends i've been hoping to find in Tally will magically appear. I'm tired of doing the same routine on a constant basis.
hmm ...
Today there were so many things I wanted to do, but I ended up having no one to do those things with. So I just settle for the other things, like FSU Sports and drinking.
This post isn't to say I don't have friends, because I do .... its just I am tired of doing the same mundane things on a weekly basis. I feel stagnant and I know there are so many things in this world to experience and I am not doing just that.
I was thinking about going to Bonnaro this summer and it seemed like people were all in to go (friends from back home) and today, the day to buy the tickets, they bailed. So yeah. .... hopefully those friends i've been hoping to find in Tally will magically appear. I'm tired of doing the same routine on a constant basis.
hmm ...
Friday, February 18, 2011
it's tough to try motivating yourself when it feels like everyone around you is watching and waiting for you to fail. maybe it's just my terrible perception of certain people around me, but i interpret so many messages as rude, condescending, and to break my motivation.
it's just small things ... like me working out this week. comments from people concerning my weight or my sudden decision to start working out tends to discourage me from doing it. i hate being asked so many questions about something so personal to me. you would think people would be encouraged that another person wants to try living a healthier lifestyle. instead i get asked questions and made fun of. it's not the way someone wants to live, or surround themselves with. but i am put in the position where i cannot avoid it because i am FORCED to be with these people on a daily basis.
it has put a strain on the relationships i have with these people outside the forced interaction though. how can i be friends with someone that isn't supportive of something positive. and these people are always waiting for you to make a mistake so they could shove it in your face. always waiting for you to fail so they can make fun of you. i don't understand why people are like this. are their lives that pathetic that they have to make everyone else feel like nothing to make themselves feel like something.
im surrounded by people the majority of my day who just plain suck. they are people destroyers not people supporters. my challenge to myself is to be a selective listener. but i feel this is going to take a lot of time.
it's just small things ... like me working out this week. comments from people concerning my weight or my sudden decision to start working out tends to discourage me from doing it. i hate being asked so many questions about something so personal to me. you would think people would be encouraged that another person wants to try living a healthier lifestyle. instead i get asked questions and made fun of. it's not the way someone wants to live, or surround themselves with. but i am put in the position where i cannot avoid it because i am FORCED to be with these people on a daily basis.
it has put a strain on the relationships i have with these people outside the forced interaction though. how can i be friends with someone that isn't supportive of something positive. and these people are always waiting for you to make a mistake so they could shove it in your face. always waiting for you to fail so they can make fun of you. i don't understand why people are like this. are their lives that pathetic that they have to make everyone else feel like nothing to make themselves feel like something.
im surrounded by people the majority of my day who just plain suck. they are people destroyers not people supporters. my challenge to myself is to be a selective listener. but i feel this is going to take a lot of time.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
somewhat productive .... hmmm
So today has felt somewhat productive ..... which is good, because I need to be completely productive on a normal basis. I need to feel accomplished at the end of the night, like I did not waste a second of my day or I was too lazy to do something I needed to do.
This morning, I woke up at 6:30am and went to the gym to meet up with Courtney. I have been finding every single excuse to not go to the gym even after she asks me every weekday. So this time, I went and decided I was going to find a way to get rid of all of my excuses. So I packed my gym bag the night before, went and got a permanent locker (gotta love those Campus Rec connections) and told Courtney to remind me every day so I can't say I forgot.
Work was productive. I did a lot today for myself. I got SB ready for the regular season, made the schedule, and cleaned my desk ... WOO. Oh and I did payroll ... what a bia! Then after work, came home .... got my study materials and came to RedEye and studied for an hour and 1/2 for the GRE. I just completed a GRE schedule in my agenda ... topics to focus on each day. I need to set aside 2 hours a day to study... I have 6 weeks until my GRE.
And throughout those 6 weeks .....
1. Florida Wine Festival- March 18-19th (I'm interning with them)
2. St. George Chili Cookoff- March 3-5 (I'm interning with them also)
3. 9th Annual Masked Ball- March 19th (I'm interning with them as well)
4. Spring Break!- March 6-12 (Going home, Baby Bro's 19th Bday)
5. Daddy Visiting Tally- March 12-17
6. Marketing and Sponsorship Proposal for my grad classes
7. Weekly grad hw
8. WORKRKKRKRKRKRKRK everyday! 9-5
9. Small Group- Every Tuesday night (I lead one)
10. TV.. haha gotta watch my shows sometimes.
It's a crazy life but I feel like I can do it.
I have to cut down the FB time. Cut out a couple of hours of sleep. Cut down the bullshit I do instead of studying. I can do it.
IM DETERMINED. <3
This morning, I woke up at 6:30am and went to the gym to meet up with Courtney. I have been finding every single excuse to not go to the gym even after she asks me every weekday. So this time, I went and decided I was going to find a way to get rid of all of my excuses. So I packed my gym bag the night before, went and got a permanent locker (gotta love those Campus Rec connections) and told Courtney to remind me every day so I can't say I forgot.
Work was productive. I did a lot today for myself. I got SB ready for the regular season, made the schedule, and cleaned my desk ... WOO. Oh and I did payroll ... what a bia! Then after work, came home .... got my study materials and came to RedEye and studied for an hour and 1/2 for the GRE. I just completed a GRE schedule in my agenda ... topics to focus on each day. I need to set aside 2 hours a day to study... I have 6 weeks until my GRE.
And throughout those 6 weeks .....
1. Florida Wine Festival- March 18-19th (I'm interning with them)
2. St. George Chili Cookoff- March 3-5 (I'm interning with them also)
3. 9th Annual Masked Ball- March 19th (I'm interning with them as well)
4. Spring Break!- March 6-12 (Going home, Baby Bro's 19th Bday)
5. Daddy Visiting Tally- March 12-17
6. Marketing and Sponsorship Proposal for my grad classes
7. Weekly grad hw
8. WORKRKKRKRKRKRKRK everyday! 9-5
9. Small Group- Every Tuesday night (I lead one)
10. TV.. haha gotta watch my shows sometimes.
It's a crazy life but I feel like I can do it.
I have to cut down the FB time. Cut out a couple of hours of sleep. Cut down the bullshit I do instead of studying. I can do it.
IM DETERMINED. <3
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
it was the worst of times
so today i was extremely frazzled. It started out at work. I came in knowing exactly what I had to accomplish and in a timely fashion. When I was about to work on everything I was told it was already done. For some reason my brain just didn't function correctly from there and I just couldn't adapt to this empty gap. Instead of going through what needed to be completed outside that one task I just sat there completely clueless. I kept working on another part of the one task and I was rushing at this point. Rushing so much I didn't proofread it and then made some simple mistakes. Not mistakes that really meant anything, but to me it was poor work ethic and just a terrible product that I made.
After that insane part of my day, I thought going to GRE class would be better .... but yet it wasn't. I was again completely clueless on everything that was being taught. Geometry blows. I haven't done geometry since the 10th grade. Thats 6 years ago. ...... cool. We did a short quiz at the end of like 6 questions, I bombed every single one. You can tell I feel extremely confident to continue.
Then I am about to go over a friends house but everything is all wrong. She had to be somewhere and I couldn't get to her house until too close to the time she had to leave. So the assignment we needed to accomplish by tomorrow is now going to get down an hour before it's due which then makes me feel rushed and unprepared.
Of course, God is probably trying to tell me to calm down and stop freaking out over meaningless things... but it's so hard. I take so much pride in my work product and ethic. I have worked so hard in making everything effective and correct. I wouldn't say I am a perfectionist in everything ... but I am one in what I prioritize to be of greatest importance.
After that insane part of my day, I thought going to GRE class would be better .... but yet it wasn't. I was again completely clueless on everything that was being taught. Geometry blows. I haven't done geometry since the 10th grade. Thats 6 years ago. ...... cool. We did a short quiz at the end of like 6 questions, I bombed every single one. You can tell I feel extremely confident to continue.
Then I am about to go over a friends house but everything is all wrong. She had to be somewhere and I couldn't get to her house until too close to the time she had to leave. So the assignment we needed to accomplish by tomorrow is now going to get down an hour before it's due which then makes me feel rushed and unprepared.
Of course, God is probably trying to tell me to calm down and stop freaking out over meaningless things... but it's so hard. I take so much pride in my work product and ethic. I have worked so hard in making everything effective and correct. I wouldn't say I am a perfectionist in everything ... but I am one in what I prioritize to be of greatest importance.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
falling in love in a coffee shop
well im not really falling in love with a boy in a coffee shop.... i am attempting to fall in love with the GRE which has taken the past 5 hours, but i think im ready for a second date. i've been working on math related problems for the GRE. Going to attempt to take it the 3rd time on April 1st. I've been putting it off, sort of, the last month despite taking a class in it 2x a week. When I am in the class I am completely focused and absorbing the material like a sponge. But not reviewing the material constantly throughout the week, I am sure is not the best thing. So last week I began to study and dedicate my weekends to it. Now I have to start dedicating my week nights instead of watching the latest episodes of my favorite shows. It is pretty much a now or never situation for this last attempt.
I have been thinking about how important it is for me to get my masters. Before, meaning the last 2 times I took the exam, it wasn't as important. Main reason, I thought I could ace it on my smarts alone ... well that busted. Reason number 2, I was still somewhat bitter about staying in Tallahassee and hoped that I wasn't supposed to really be here and I could just get the heck out. But after months of still being here, I have come to the conclusion that God does want me here and I need to accept it and stop screwing up my future. And, of course after months of this contemplation I have realized that getting a degree in Sports Admin was never my passion. My passion is planning and putting on events. So the degree that does completely fulfill my passion is the Integrated Marketing Communication major. I want to learn the in's and out's of the PR, Advertising, and Marketing field. And... this degree gives me the opportunity to intern as well, which is what i need since I technically didn't intern my last semester of undergrad.
I have witnessed where all of my fellow classmates have continued their lives outside of our event planning major. Some have gone to companies and are planning events daily. But the majority have become waitresses, working in retail, etc. Maybe they are completely happy with that decision and I commend them for that, but as for me I wouldn't be okay with it. I have spent way to much money and I am knee deep in student loan debt for me not to get a high paying job in Events. So this is my only chance. I have to achieve a really good score and get accepted into this program. It is a necessity.
So continued prayer and studying I believe will give me the plan that God has lined up for me. I am praying for God to show me his will IN my life, not his will FOR my life.
On another note, I start leading my first small group this upcoming Tuesday. I am very excited to see what God has in store for this group. It's been a tough road for me through this Christian lifestyle, but yet whose hasn't been. A lot of up's and down's but I think God has given me the down's to appreciate how grateful the up's are.
Well, my brain is starting to fry with all of this math mumbojumbo that is the GRE. It's almost 9pm so I think I am going to go home and call it a night.
Much love and God Bless.
Monday, January 31, 2011
just another manic monday
when I was a kid I was convinced that the song Manic Monday by the Bangles said, "Just another man called monday". WOW.
This Manic Monday wasn't too manic actually. I was on my way to work when Cam called to tell me to head to the MCF to let this Comcast man in to fix the internet in the facility. Well, of course I automatically think some fat old guy is going to greet me with a, "Hello, Can I fix your internet? " Instead it was a very good looking young guy who was totally cool and awesome. Too bad he was just the Comcast man, no number and definitely looking him up on facebook is going too far. But nonetheless, it was a good start to my morning.
My day didn't consist of too much annoyance or angry emotions. Today was pretty chill for a Monday, but I'll take it instead of a Manic Monday when I feel like I want to punch everyone or everyone wants to punch me. Throughout the day I went to the baseball stadium to take pictures for Cam, for some reason. When I got there, I met a Cleveland Indians scout who talked to me for about 15-20 min. He was super nice and proceeded to give me his card for any future use. That was pretty awesome if I do say so myself.
Other than that, sometimes the best feeling in the world is coming home to my wonderful 1BD apartment where no one can bother me and I can sit in my living room, with my amazing "True Bliss Tangerine and Vanilla" candle and just enjoy the silence. Well until either my crazy neighbor's greyhound starts barking for an hour or the train passes by. But for now I am just going to take in this non stressful day and praise God for all the things he has provided to me today.
Good night <3
This Manic Monday wasn't too manic actually. I was on my way to work when Cam called to tell me to head to the MCF to let this Comcast man in to fix the internet in the facility. Well, of course I automatically think some fat old guy is going to greet me with a, "Hello, Can I fix your internet? " Instead it was a very good looking young guy who was totally cool and awesome. Too bad he was just the Comcast man, no number and definitely looking him up on facebook is going too far. But nonetheless, it was a good start to my morning.
My day didn't consist of too much annoyance or angry emotions. Today was pretty chill for a Monday, but I'll take it instead of a Manic Monday when I feel like I want to punch everyone or everyone wants to punch me. Throughout the day I went to the baseball stadium to take pictures for Cam, for some reason. When I got there, I met a Cleveland Indians scout who talked to me for about 15-20 min. He was super nice and proceeded to give me his card for any future use. That was pretty awesome if I do say so myself.
Other than that, sometimes the best feeling in the world is coming home to my wonderful 1BD apartment where no one can bother me and I can sit in my living room, with my amazing "True Bliss Tangerine and Vanilla" candle and just enjoy the silence. Well until either my crazy neighbor's greyhound starts barking for an hour or the train passes by. But for now I am just going to take in this non stressful day and praise God for all the things he has provided to me today.
Good night <3
what a month
this past month has definitely been a roller coaster. When break ended and I was heading back up here to Tally the only thing I was looking forward to was coming back home 2 weeks later to be united with my best friend. The one thing that happened in between there was the Jets beating the Colts.
I went home ecstatic to see my best friend and my family as well. My brother was coming into town to see the Jets v. Patriots game with my Dad and I. The older I am the more I want to keep going home. I don't think I want to live there with them for an extended period of time, but I can't imagine being farther away from them. This puts a major strain on a lot of my plans because of course I want to move far away. But then again, that's my plan not God's plan in my life.
I came back to school pretty upset that I was away from them. Spending time with my Dad is precious and I just continuously feel so bad that he's practically home by himself most of the time. Like today, I'm sure he watched the Heat game, NHL All Star game, and now the Pro Bowl by himself while I was doing the same thing and I'm sure Nick was too. It doesn't get any easier to be away from him. My mom on the other hand is my best friend in the entire world and I miss him warmness and her positive attitude towards my life. I just cannot wait to go back home in March. I'm 22 years old, been away for 5 years, and now I decide that I am finally homesick.... you might think weird ... but I know exactly why I have become this way.
The only thing that has made me love Tallahassee lately are the opportunities that my amazing church, Fellowship Of The Hills, has given me the opportunity to improve my spiritual life by becoming more involved. I'm starting to lead a small group this Tuesday and it's my main motivation for the week.
I just hope my amazing small group doesn't get overshadowed by the consistent pressure i continue to place on myself in the workplace. I never feel like I am doing an excellent job and that I always have to prove that I am a worthy employee. It has become super exhausting and whether or not I have received advice on how to not care so much, it doesn't change the fact that I do care. When people say, just shrug it off, they are really saying dust it under the rug ... but when the rug becomes lumpy and trip over it face first into all the problems then what are you left with? A pile of problems you thought you buried. I rather just face them head on, but it's an never ending battle.
I know God is trying to convey to me that I need to stop trying to please everyone else at work other than HIM, but I am struggling so much with that concept. I never feel the need to get the approval of anything else except at my job. I pretty much am who I am and I love that about myself. But this battle emotionally needs to end. I cannot keep killing myself over things I can't control. I will never be good enough in "man's" eye because every time I am somewhat close "man" makes up a flaw so I'm not. But in God's eyes I am always good enough if all I do is LOVE and TRUST in HIM. I just need to let this one go.
My past has been dead and gone for a while. I've finally let my future be in complete control by GOD's will in my life. Now I just have to give him the present.
LORD, you are the almighty father that has graciously given me life and has forgiven for me for my countless sins. Please give me the strength to give you my present and only live to praise you which in return will give me complete and utter happiness. Please release my constant battle with receiving the approval of others while I serve. Give me the assurance that your love is sufficient enough.
I went home ecstatic to see my best friend and my family as well. My brother was coming into town to see the Jets v. Patriots game with my Dad and I. The older I am the more I want to keep going home. I don't think I want to live there with them for an extended period of time, but I can't imagine being farther away from them. This puts a major strain on a lot of my plans because of course I want to move far away. But then again, that's my plan not God's plan in my life.
I came back to school pretty upset that I was away from them. Spending time with my Dad is precious and I just continuously feel so bad that he's practically home by himself most of the time. Like today, I'm sure he watched the Heat game, NHL All Star game, and now the Pro Bowl by himself while I was doing the same thing and I'm sure Nick was too. It doesn't get any easier to be away from him. My mom on the other hand is my best friend in the entire world and I miss him warmness and her positive attitude towards my life. I just cannot wait to go back home in March. I'm 22 years old, been away for 5 years, and now I decide that I am finally homesick.... you might think weird ... but I know exactly why I have become this way.
The only thing that has made me love Tallahassee lately are the opportunities that my amazing church, Fellowship Of The Hills, has given me the opportunity to improve my spiritual life by becoming more involved. I'm starting to lead a small group this Tuesday and it's my main motivation for the week.
I just hope my amazing small group doesn't get overshadowed by the consistent pressure i continue to place on myself in the workplace. I never feel like I am doing an excellent job and that I always have to prove that I am a worthy employee. It has become super exhausting and whether or not I have received advice on how to not care so much, it doesn't change the fact that I do care. When people say, just shrug it off, they are really saying dust it under the rug ... but when the rug becomes lumpy and trip over it face first into all the problems then what are you left with? A pile of problems you thought you buried. I rather just face them head on, but it's an never ending battle.
I know God is trying to convey to me that I need to stop trying to please everyone else at work other than HIM, but I am struggling so much with that concept. I never feel the need to get the approval of anything else except at my job. I pretty much am who I am and I love that about myself. But this battle emotionally needs to end. I cannot keep killing myself over things I can't control. I will never be good enough in "man's" eye because every time I am somewhat close "man" makes up a flaw so I'm not. But in God's eyes I am always good enough if all I do is LOVE and TRUST in HIM. I just need to let this one go.
My past has been dead and gone for a while. I've finally let my future be in complete control by GOD's will in my life. Now I just have to give him the present.
LORD, you are the almighty father that has graciously given me life and has forgiven for me for my countless sins. Please give me the strength to give you my present and only live to praise you which in return will give me complete and utter happiness. Please release my constant battle with receiving the approval of others while I serve. Give me the assurance that your love is sufficient enough.
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