when I was a kid I was convinced that the song Manic Monday by the Bangles said, "Just another man called monday". WOW.
This Manic Monday wasn't too manic actually. I was on my way to work when Cam called to tell me to head to the MCF to let this Comcast man in to fix the internet in the facility. Well, of course I automatically think some fat old guy is going to greet me with a, "Hello, Can I fix your internet? " Instead it was a very good looking young guy who was totally cool and awesome. Too bad he was just the Comcast man, no number and definitely looking him up on facebook is going too far. But nonetheless, it was a good start to my morning.
My day didn't consist of too much annoyance or angry emotions. Today was pretty chill for a Monday, but I'll take it instead of a Manic Monday when I feel like I want to punch everyone or everyone wants to punch me. Throughout the day I went to the baseball stadium to take pictures for Cam, for some reason. When I got there, I met a Cleveland Indians scout who talked to me for about 15-20 min. He was super nice and proceeded to give me his card for any future use. That was pretty awesome if I do say so myself.
Other than that, sometimes the best feeling in the world is coming home to my wonderful 1BD apartment where no one can bother me and I can sit in my living room, with my amazing "True Bliss Tangerine and Vanilla" candle and just enjoy the silence. Well until either my crazy neighbor's greyhound starts barking for an hour or the train passes by. But for now I am just going to take in this non stressful day and praise God for all the things he has provided to me today.
Good night <3
Monday, January 31, 2011
what a month
this past month has definitely been a roller coaster. When break ended and I was heading back up here to Tally the only thing I was looking forward to was coming back home 2 weeks later to be united with my best friend. The one thing that happened in between there was the Jets beating the Colts.
I went home ecstatic to see my best friend and my family as well. My brother was coming into town to see the Jets v. Patriots game with my Dad and I. The older I am the more I want to keep going home. I don't think I want to live there with them for an extended period of time, but I can't imagine being farther away from them. This puts a major strain on a lot of my plans because of course I want to move far away. But then again, that's my plan not God's plan in my life.
I came back to school pretty upset that I was away from them. Spending time with my Dad is precious and I just continuously feel so bad that he's practically home by himself most of the time. Like today, I'm sure he watched the Heat game, NHL All Star game, and now the Pro Bowl by himself while I was doing the same thing and I'm sure Nick was too. It doesn't get any easier to be away from him. My mom on the other hand is my best friend in the entire world and I miss him warmness and her positive attitude towards my life. I just cannot wait to go back home in March. I'm 22 years old, been away for 5 years, and now I decide that I am finally homesick.... you might think weird ... but I know exactly why I have become this way.
The only thing that has made me love Tallahassee lately are the opportunities that my amazing church, Fellowship Of The Hills, has given me the opportunity to improve my spiritual life by becoming more involved. I'm starting to lead a small group this Tuesday and it's my main motivation for the week.
I just hope my amazing small group doesn't get overshadowed by the consistent pressure i continue to place on myself in the workplace. I never feel like I am doing an excellent job and that I always have to prove that I am a worthy employee. It has become super exhausting and whether or not I have received advice on how to not care so much, it doesn't change the fact that I do care. When people say, just shrug it off, they are really saying dust it under the rug ... but when the rug becomes lumpy and trip over it face first into all the problems then what are you left with? A pile of problems you thought you buried. I rather just face them head on, but it's an never ending battle.
I know God is trying to convey to me that I need to stop trying to please everyone else at work other than HIM, but I am struggling so much with that concept. I never feel the need to get the approval of anything else except at my job. I pretty much am who I am and I love that about myself. But this battle emotionally needs to end. I cannot keep killing myself over things I can't control. I will never be good enough in "man's" eye because every time I am somewhat close "man" makes up a flaw so I'm not. But in God's eyes I am always good enough if all I do is LOVE and TRUST in HIM. I just need to let this one go.
My past has been dead and gone for a while. I've finally let my future be in complete control by GOD's will in my life. Now I just have to give him the present.
LORD, you are the almighty father that has graciously given me life and has forgiven for me for my countless sins. Please give me the strength to give you my present and only live to praise you which in return will give me complete and utter happiness. Please release my constant battle with receiving the approval of others while I serve. Give me the assurance that your love is sufficient enough.
I went home ecstatic to see my best friend and my family as well. My brother was coming into town to see the Jets v. Patriots game with my Dad and I. The older I am the more I want to keep going home. I don't think I want to live there with them for an extended period of time, but I can't imagine being farther away from them. This puts a major strain on a lot of my plans because of course I want to move far away. But then again, that's my plan not God's plan in my life.
I came back to school pretty upset that I was away from them. Spending time with my Dad is precious and I just continuously feel so bad that he's practically home by himself most of the time. Like today, I'm sure he watched the Heat game, NHL All Star game, and now the Pro Bowl by himself while I was doing the same thing and I'm sure Nick was too. It doesn't get any easier to be away from him. My mom on the other hand is my best friend in the entire world and I miss him warmness and her positive attitude towards my life. I just cannot wait to go back home in March. I'm 22 years old, been away for 5 years, and now I decide that I am finally homesick.... you might think weird ... but I know exactly why I have become this way.
The only thing that has made me love Tallahassee lately are the opportunities that my amazing church, Fellowship Of The Hills, has given me the opportunity to improve my spiritual life by becoming more involved. I'm starting to lead a small group this Tuesday and it's my main motivation for the week.
I just hope my amazing small group doesn't get overshadowed by the consistent pressure i continue to place on myself in the workplace. I never feel like I am doing an excellent job and that I always have to prove that I am a worthy employee. It has become super exhausting and whether or not I have received advice on how to not care so much, it doesn't change the fact that I do care. When people say, just shrug it off, they are really saying dust it under the rug ... but when the rug becomes lumpy and trip over it face first into all the problems then what are you left with? A pile of problems you thought you buried. I rather just face them head on, but it's an never ending battle.
I know God is trying to convey to me that I need to stop trying to please everyone else at work other than HIM, but I am struggling so much with that concept. I never feel the need to get the approval of anything else except at my job. I pretty much am who I am and I love that about myself. But this battle emotionally needs to end. I cannot keep killing myself over things I can't control. I will never be good enough in "man's" eye because every time I am somewhat close "man" makes up a flaw so I'm not. But in God's eyes I am always good enough if all I do is LOVE and TRUST in HIM. I just need to let this one go.
My past has been dead and gone for a while. I've finally let my future be in complete control by GOD's will in my life. Now I just have to give him the present.
LORD, you are the almighty father that has graciously given me life and has forgiven for me for my countless sins. Please give me the strength to give you my present and only live to praise you which in return will give me complete and utter happiness. Please release my constant battle with receiving the approval of others while I serve. Give me the assurance that your love is sufficient enough.
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