chains be broken

I have had these terrible chains weighing me down the past couple of weeks. It's the chains of approval. I normally don't possess this chains, but something about being in my new position and being back in tally has caused this. 


These chains have been holding me back from being the real me. I can't keep looking from the approval and trust from others. It's like the saying, "when you're looking for it it's never going to come". Well that's how I feel. I have been too worried about the whole transition at work from supervisor to graduate assistant and paranoid that everyone is going to hate me or not respect me. But I feel like thinking about it too much causes this paranoia way more. 


If I just be me then maybe things will pan out the way it should. And if it doesn't, oh well. I am going to be best foot forward and put my whole heart into this position. But this heart is guarded from petty gossip, opinions, and the such. 


I am not here to try and please everybody. 


My main priorities right now are the following: 
1. To excel at the task that has God has placed in front of me and do it to glorify him. 
2. To prove to myself that I deserved and was offered this position for a reason. 
3. To gain as much as experience as possible about every aspect of this position and the job it has to offer. 
4. GET MY EDUCATION :) 


If I don't break these chains they are going to keep wearing me out and questioning who I am, why I am, and if I am good enough for the task at hand. That's not how someone should live their life. 


I know I am capable of great things because God has a path that is leading to treasure in heaven. 


I'm excited for this new mindset. I hope that God continues to place it on my heart. 


Goodnight. God Bless. 

Fallen Off The Map

So I have not written since August 15th ... which was pretty much one of the first days I moved back to Tallahassee. 


It's been a bumpy ride so far actually. The transition into being a Graduate Assistant has been an interesting one. I am learning a lot about myself and how to handle others in a completely different way than I was used to before. 


I do though, LOVE living by myself. It is so refreshing, happy, and just overall peaceful. Of course I have been planning on instituting my new habitual lifestyle and it just hasn't happened yet. My procrastination is killing me physically and emotionally. 


Today in church my pastor said this: Stop making excuses, just begin. 
This statement is so easy to comprehend but yet I keep making excuses ... constantly. I always say, I'll study for the GRE when I don't have training at night. I'll read my bible in the morning when I get better sleep. I'll finish this book when I am less busy. I'll cook at home when I am not tired. Everything has been a fucking excuse and I am tired of it. 


I read this amazing blog : http://freestylemind.com/ 
I get there posts sent to my email and they are so helpful. I read them constantly, gather up my inspiration, and then somehow it dies along the way. 


I've realized that I have to write/type things out to study and remember.... so why don't I write down my goals so I can remember ... duh! 


So I wrote in the days and times I'm going to work out. I made food for the week. I actually cleaned my whole apartment and it smells like pumpkin (which I love). And I am prepared for the week ahead of me. 


Sundays are going to my cool off , reflective, prepare day from now on. I wake up refreshed with a beautiful church family and service, come home watch football all day, clean, bake, and mentally prepare myself for the week ahead that I will tackle full force. 


I have complete confidence in this week that God is going to lead me in the right direction. 


And I better write more.